Mad Ramblings
In 2008, after two years of failing to make a child organically, we learned the doom Kathy had already been feeling for more than a year was justified: I was diagnosed with male-factor infertility. Our only real chance to move forward would be in vitro fertilization. We couldn’t afford it; we couldn’t afford not to do it. One way we tried to work through that diagnosis, our anger, and our options was to start a secret infertility blog, “Less Than a Million.” This post and what comments from 2008 that are attached to it come from that blog.—gb
Checking in with a post for the less intellectually ambitious among us (especially myself, especially these days). Man, I’m having a hard time getting into the habit of blogging….feeling very uninspired and a tad bit depressed these days…very late-wintery. Thank god for three weeks ofPride & Prejudiceon Masterpiece Theatre! Woo hoo—love that Victorian porn.
So, in our typically surreal fashion, we’ve headed into another non-IVF (pre-IVF, we can say, on an optimistic day) two week wait. Ah, waiting for failure…It’s actually easier when there’s no hope!
When we first were getting ready to start trying for a baby, I decided I’d better find out my varicella status, as I’d never had the chicken pox as a kid (as far as I knew…my mother wasn’t sure—what’s wrong with these people?). Predictably, my titre showed that I was not immune, so off I was to procure the varicella vaccine! I’ve grown to hate needles in my old age (I know; doesn’t bode well for IVF, right?), so I was very proud of my sense of responsibility—crossing those t’s, etc, in the name of a healthy pregnancy.
Got my first dose, no problem. But the first must be followed by the second—and in a timely fashion, mind you (i.e., within 4–8 weeks). How strange, then, that there turned out to be some kind of mysterious shortage of the varicella vaccine right at the very moment I needed that lovely second shot. Were they hording all of the doses for children, for god’s sake?!
Fast-forward about 17 months, and since I never got that second dose and found out in the interim that the one didn’t take, I’m now faced with the challenge of procuring this crap stuff once again. But, as with almost everything in my life, such a seemingly straightforward task takes on myriad mental complications. According to the CDC, one should wait at least a month before trying to conceive after receiving the varicella vaccine, and of course pregnant women should not, under any circumstances, be vaccinated. So, I get the first dose in early March (when AF arrives and we know for sure there’s no embryo in there). Then, hopefully, get the second dose four weeks later…Now we’re getting into April. Then, wait at least four weeks before getting back on the TTC bus. That’s a long break! Which would no doubt be good for my emotional state, but….arg.
And this all just brings me back to my general distrust of the medical community (or maybe I should say our local medical community), and hence my lack of a “primary care physician” to call my very own. Why must I go in for an exam just to get the damn shots, just because it’s been over a year since I’ve been to the clinic? Why must the nurse return my phone message with such a tone of disbelief: “Hi, Kathy. I’m just calling to find out why it is you think you need the varicella vaccine.” Um, excuse me? Do people come breaking into your office every day to score that coveted chicken pox vaccine? Needles, lady, needles!! Think about it!
So, I’ll get my exam on Friday and hopefully become eligible to get that first shot soon. Then, when we finally (when, when??) get to try IVF and maybe even get knocked up if we’re really lucky, I’ll have one less thing to be compulsively paranoid about.
I need spring so badly.
