On the Random Luck of Others
In 2008, after two years of failing to make a child organically, we learned the doom Kathy had already been feeling for more than a year was justified: I was diagnosed with male-factor infertility. Our only real chance to move forward would be in vitro fertilization. We couldn’t afford it; we couldn’t afford not to do it. One way we tried to work through that diagnosis, our anger, and our options was to start a secret infertility blog, “Less Than a Million.” This post and what comments from 2008 that are attached to it come from that blog.—gb
On Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 1:41 PM, Kathy wrote:
A woman posted on the male factor infertility board that she and her husband just got pregnant right after an SA with a 1.7 mil count and 15% motility.
From: Greg
Sent: Tuesday, March 04, 2008 1:46 PM
To: Kathy
why did she have to go and ruin everybody’s day like that?
On Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 1:47 PM, Kathy wrote:
I….think she probably thought it would inspirational rather than a downer….Or are you messing with me?
From: Greg
Sent: Tuesday, March 04, 2008 1:51 PM
To: Kathy
no, i’m not messing with you. the fact is the odds of that happening are just terribly slim. for me, just because it happens to one couple only underscores that fact. put another way: their highly improbable random pregnancy doesn’t make our chances of having a highly improbably random pregnancy any greater.
On Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 1:56 PM, Kathy wrote:
Yeah, I know…I guess it’s just good to know that it could happen (assuming I’m as good a reproductive specimen as she, which may not be the case). But you’re right; when it hasn’t happened the first 18 times, it’s not any more likely to happen on the 19th or 20th try…She’s probably the only person I’ve seen on that board whose husband had such low numbers and yet they ended up pregnant naturally. It’s probably best to think of it as a fluke. But aren’t we trying for a fluke every month?
From: Greg
Sent: Tuesday, March 04, 2008 2:09 PM
To: Kathy
Sure: we are trying for a fluke because it is possible to have a fluke happen. But our fluke would not change anyone else’s chances. I would think it would just emphasize how very fortunate we were.
I guess my main objection is to the idea that there is any inspiration to gain. Congratulations to that woman and her partner, they are very fortunate. Meanwhile, we toil away, with a chance of similar fortune, but with by far the greater likelihood that IVF is our future.
On Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 2:11 PM, Kathy wrote:
Well, I know it doesn’t change anyone else’s chances….It just demonstrates that it can happen.
Man, you are quite the kill-joy, aren’t you?
